Today someone asked me, “is being a mom not enough?”
I was playing with my son at our local playground.
As you so often do, you get to start talking with other moms and dads while watching your kids play.
After they found out I was an entrepreneur and was running my own business, they got more curious.
I explained further about what I did, and a few minutes into the conversation, a dad asked, “is being a mom not enough?”
To start out with, let me say that I don’t think he didn’t mean anything mean by that.
He was simply just curious and straightforward. Well, European (since I’m currently living in Switzerland at the time of this writing) .
But the question took me by surprise, to be honest.
There’s a ton of things that are wrong with this question.
First of all, what does ‘enough’ even mean?
Enough to feel fulfilled?
That would mean that my entire identity would comprise of being ‘a mom’.
That would also mean that my biggest dream in life has always been being a mom.
Now, not for the need of justification but to explore this further and pose it for discussion: I always dreamed of becoming a mom. But it wasn’t my sole desire and most certainly, not my only goal or dream in life.
I know a few lovely ladies to whom it is.
But even then, personal fulfillment and ‘feeling enough’ doesn’t magically happen after becoming a mom.
It also doesn’t happen from choosing not to be a mom.
There’s so much more to this than the change to one’s identity.
For myself, I just… want more.
I want to do more than fulfilling my role of being a great mom (and whatever that even means ).
I’m tired of feeling apologetic about it, even in rare moments like this one.
This quest for more comes with its own set of issues, unique challenges, and struggles further.
It means knowing how to deal with ‘mom guilt’ and having also bits of a constant identity crisis.
It means continuously working hard – even harder – on staying true to myself and listening to what ‘Cornelia’ wants and needs (not Cornelia the wife, partner, daughter, sister, mother, and friend).
It means constantly giving without losing my sense of self and filling up my cup as well.
In short, it’s accepting that we are multi-faceted people and that as moms who want to make their own mark on this world through their professional goals and aspirations and desires… Well, that is damn well okay for you to do.
In fact, you’ve every right to want this! And it is okay to feel okay with that feeling that being a mom ‘isn’t enough’. That this does not mean you love your child any less. Not by a long shot!
But instead, that you are deserving. And simply by being born, worthy of going after the thing your heart yearns for you to do.
It’s more than okay to be you and all of you, whoever that is.
And it’s also important to note that there is still this overarching bias throughout society to expect men who are ‘dads’ to want more professionally & have a life in addition to being ‘dads’, but that the same isn’t true for a woman.
But to write about all THAT, I’d need to write a novel or two. Be sure to share this blog post if it resonates.