My hands were clammy.
I brushed them off against the fabric of my washed-out denim for the like millionth time.
I was nervous.
Not because I was stepping into the airplane to start my thirty-five-hour journey to Hawaii, but because I was leaving the place I was born in.
I was moving away.
Across the world.
Some of my friends kept telling me I was crazy.
Why did I need to move 7,700 miles way, almost half across the world, to study something they couldn’t even quite pronounce ‘Anthropologie and Film Studies’ (truthfully, they knew film studies of course).
My father thought I was crazy too.
I was way too young with eighteen years old, he stated.
And, above that, a girl.
This statement as a self-confessed feminist always made me cringe.
He was old-school, my father.
Growing up during a time of poverty and hardship after the Second World War.
It had defined him and he did not trust new modern notions of how the world was supposed to work.
My mother was more supportive. Although, I could tell that it would break her heart – me moving away that is.
But there are certain times in your life where you just have to do what you have to do.
That time in my life, nine years ago, was certainly one of those times.
Sure, I could have made all sorts of different decisions and there were plenty of options for me.
However, something inside of me urged me on.
And it continued to urge me on until I could think of nothing else than my vision for my life for the next few years.
Whenever you reach a time in your life where you get this kind of conviction about something that you just need to do, some action that you need to take, don’t wait.
Don’t analyze it and try to figure out the why, or continue to doubt yourself.
Just go for it!
See what it is that you need to experience when taking that action and committing yourself to what your heart is telling you to do.
Every decision you make in your life, ever action you take and every reaction of yours is interconnected with each other.
They are there to bring you to a certain point in your life.
The here and now.
Well, that is up to you.
But remember to always listen to yourself.
It won’t be easy.
If it would be then there is nothing for you left to learn or experience.
If you don’t feel challenged you won’t become stronger, nor wiser.
For me, that moment when I stepped into the plane was one of the most significant episodes of my life.
One anxiety attack after the other rushed through my young body, while I continued telling myself that I must be crazy for doing what I was doing.
Nobody else from my past environment had ever taken action to do what I was about to do (at least not at that point).
But that was exactly the reason why it was so important for me.
I felt that I needed to break out from what was comfortable to me.
I knew I needed to leave to be able to find myself.
And finally – even if I got the listening-to-myself-part down – I knew that I needed to learn to believe in myself too, in order to reach that vision I had for myself and my life.
I am still on a journey to get there.
And I believe, so might be you.
We all are.
But I am excited abut my life with all its ups and downs.
And so I wish, you are too.