Detaching yourself from the outcome in both life and business is the most important skill I’ve worked on mastering these past few years.
It doesn’t come naturally to me.
In fact, I’m spending a lot of time finding myself too attached to the outcome.
Because, I’m a ‘type A’ sort of person.
I’m the kind of person that wants to reach a goal, or success, so badly.
Most of the time, this results in me not achieving what I set out to achieve.
Instead, I’m reaching a different version of it.
But I’ve known for a while now that I can be so much more than I am. I just have to re-member almost who that person is. And not even person, but the core essence of me that is connected to the whole, to all of us. Are you with me on this?
So, let’s say for the purpose of this article that you’ve set ‘the outcome’.
You’re clear on what that is.
What it looks like; What it feels like; How you’d like for it to manifest.
Now, is where the tough part comes in.
While consistently working towards it, you also want to make sure to not ‘hold on’ to it.
And we all have a tendency to do so.
Let me give you an example.
A brother-in-law of mine during a time of his life that stretched over many years wanted a girlfriend so badly. Like really, really badly.
Outcome = to have a girlfriend.
The outcome became SO big, almost much bigger than the process it would take, the different habits he’d need to implement to even get close to the said outcome and do his part for ‘achieving’ it.
What this does is that it shifts our energy, our focus, on lack.
Because we’re still so acutely, and permanently aware of that which we are lacking.
When, in fact, we should be focused on the process we’re making to achieve the outcome and our betterment during this journey which is the ultimate benefactor of success in any matter, personal growth.
Gabby Bernstein writes that we can be attached to outcomes in three ways specifically. She describes them like this,
- Are you attached to something happening in the timeframe you’re comfortable with?
- Are you fixated on someone doing something in the way you want?
- Do you think something will be a disaster if it doesn’t go exactly as you planned?
Now, that you’re aware you are attaching yourself to an outcome (or more than one), we need to draw the focus inward again. Instead, of looking outward to get to that outcome, we need to work on our personal growth.
It’s, in essence, that simple and that hard.
It’s also in and of itself a bit of a paradox.
Because, Gary Vaynerchuck, for example, writes how obsession is a good thing. How we’ve failed to encourage obsession these past few decades, especially in parenting, and that obsession can be the single biggest benefactor to living a life of greatness in many ways.
I watched the documentary about Shawn Mendes before on Netflix and to me, he definitely seems obsessed. But, and there’s a but, in a good way.
The way I see it, there are two sides of the coin to ‘obsession’, much like they are with ‘love’ if we’re circling back to my example with my brother-in-law.
Like there can be all-surmounting love that can move mountains, whereas the same ‘level’ of love can also destroy another human being if love turns sour and is backed by ill intentions from an individual that is not what we might call ’emotionally healthy’.
Obsession works the same way.
Intention plays a role with obsession.
The vibe or energy level of the emotion is important.
And so, when you’re attached to an outcome to such an extent that the obsession isn’t a pure one in the form of improving say one’s craft of music daily, but it’s an obsession of looking at what you do NOT have – mainly said outcome than you’re also blocking yourself from ever receiving it.
To refer back to Gabby Bernstein, she has a 3-step process on how to detach yourself from your outcome which helped me throughout the last few years too.
Step 1: Recognize how you’re attached to the outcome and in what ways by answering one, or all of the previous questions.
Step 2: Surrender the attachment with positive, reinforcement through words. Gabby calls them ‘prayers’, which can look something like,
“I surrender this attachment, and I allow the Universe to show me where to go and what to do.”Gabby Bernstein
Step 3: Focus on feeling good and finding inner peace (because when you’re in a lacking feeling of, “I haven’t achieved my outcome yet,” you won’t feel good).
In essence and according to Gabby, “The key to attracting your desires is to release them.”
The magic word in all of this from my research is, ‘SURRENDER’.
Which reminds me of the beautiful song that was hot on TikTok back in 2020,
And to sum all of this up to hopefully help you with this topic today, Abraham Hicks once said,
“The reason you want every single thing that you want is because you think you will feel really good when you get there. But if you don’t feel really good on your way there, you can’t get there. You have to be satisfied with what-is while you’re reaching for more.”
Let me know in the comments if this was helpful and happy detaching from the outcome :).